Holding the Line!
So, as the countdown to World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day WNAAD 2023 begins in earnest, I am using this blog post to acknowledge and to encourage, in advance, all those who have been maintaining clear boundaries with those in their lives who are displaying Narcissistic traits.
It is interesting to note that in the run-up to June 1st, I have been prompted to write about boundaries by what I have been experiencing in my own life. Boundaries are the very clear guidelines or demarcation lines that you communicate and show to another person – so far, but no further.
Using nature as an example, we have all seen the devastation caused when water moves out of its boundary line: flooding happens. So too, can damage, destruction and even death can occur when a boundary is not upheld and held in place.
I know it would not have been easy to go no contact – such as blocking someone on social media and your phone and/or completely disengaging from the other person’s life. However, this is not always possible should you have to maintain contact through parenting or employment, for example. Using the grey rock method – making yourself as impenetrable, solid and boring as a grey rock. When engaging, speaking in a monotone, avoiding eye contact, aiming not to react emotionally and giving non-committal answers to any questions. Always ensuring that your interaction is as brief as possible – that is what grey rock method is.
Reminding yourself along the way that recovery from the abuse is a process and to give yourself permission to not beat yourself up when you take a step back. Being kind to yourself is crucial in the recovery process.
May I remind you that this cannot only be accounted for using psychological terms and definitions, it can also be explained through a spiritual lens. In the Bible, Paul wrote a letter (from a prison cell) to Timothy – his fellow younger apostle – to warn him that in their day and more so ours, we would witness what Calvin explains. “We should note what the hardness or danger of this time is in Paul’s view to be, not war, not famine, or diseases, nor any of the calamities or ills that befall the body, but the wicked and depraved ways of men.”Arguably, we are experiencing and living through the other ‘calamities’ which Calvin mentions, but he, in this quotation, focuses on the behaviour and choices of mankind in this age. I am sure that we can agree that we are witnessing a degradation of how human beings treat each other. Examples such as the refugee crisis and the proliferation of violence against women can attest to what Paul warned in 2 Timothy 3:1-6 when he wrote ‘1 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!’
Please pay attention and note that a Biblical imperative is used here, ‘From such turn away!’ The exclamative sentence emphasises the directive here which is to go no contact. What more encouragement do you need?
For those of us who find it difficult saying “no”, establishing and maintaining those hard-fought boundaries, my hope is that after reading the list of behaviours and matching them against individuals in your own life, that you will understand that the loving thing to do is to ‘turn away’ from them as they are not in your life to do you good, only to rob you of your joy, sense of self, personhood and ultimately, your identity in Christ.
Should you want to know more about recovering from narcissistic abuse, please check out the updated edition of my 10-Step Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Guide which will be back soon for sale on the website.
Look out for the 15% discount should you purchase your own valuable copy just in time for WNAAD 2023!
Until next time.
Love & Blessings
xxx
